death note

I was standing in the dark

Feeling empty and useless

I stare my life before my eyes

I wasn't sure of my existence

I feel the breeze touches my skin

It was my soul floating helplessly

Separated from my body

I tried to shout

But no one cares not even my own body

I stood still staring the endless lane

Looking into the darkness

Looking for a shine to arise

But i know thats not my true wishes

I never had any wishes

I do not want to wish

I want to vanished

and let the tales end

FTIMDC 2010

FTIMDC 2010 was held yesterday and it's probably gonna be my yearly events since ateh has won the 3rd place last year.

This year she was called to present her collections and was given opportunity to walk on the runway. Such a memorable moment for her and off course for us all. so, should i enter the competition next year? beading the corsets? haha..

Will kinky have her own runway? yes one day i will make it true... :)

Debeads new collection

Blahblahblah..

Im back in the office feeling so sleepy

I'm lazy to do my things

So i would like to write few things...

Sleep late again last nite

I had a good time, almost won the pool game by myself

Damn Robin is too good.

Rafiee u need more practice! :P

Fussball not as interesting as usual

Robin did thought few hard trick,

so probably we can used it against Malek next time

We need to unite strongly to make Malek cry and beg for us to let him win!

Good backpackers place, i really like it

Thats good enough for our trip in the future.

Lots off bulehhh too :D.

Wonder if we gonna hang out with Robin again tonite at his bar?

Can cuci mata there, probably getting new bulehh?

Oh by the way Malek, fortunately 'they' did not caught us breaking their things last time :)

So, we r free to conquer that place again! Muahaha

Finally :p!!

Tomorrow as usual swimming and hang out with other people plak,

I have no time for my ownself for the past 3 months!!

I need a rest!! i want to just lying down and day dreaming for 1 whole day.

So people, lets plan a one day relaxing trip?

Do suggests date and places.

Lets pampered our self.

:P

sudden death

I haven't write for so long, i'm so bz with my job. The DoSM project will end this month and my house hopefully will be completed by end of this month too.

However i wasn't about to update my life. I was called to write on this blog after i heard about my neighbor's son sudden death. He was killed in an accident. Probably died instantly. I dont really know the real story yet.

I was so shocked and feel terribly sad for the family although i never speaks with him. What i had in mind was, he' young only 22 or 23, he still studying, he's the first born child, he's the man of the house and his parents really pay alot for his future. He died without warning.

I was like ... OMG what if that happened to me. I died suddenly. The moment u wake up u were in different world... u have so many unfinished business... but u are not able to turn back time. Im just not ready yet...

Life is too short, we have no power upon our faith. Is it worth living if we wont be able to get a better life after death? Its a big questions... where our faith will lead us to in the after life?

All of this is in our hand, but when should i start care about it?

Lately i don't give a damn about what ever happened, i just say to myself 'WTF, we will die anyway. " Is it really that easy? or im being ignorance due to everything that had happened to me?

Living life that way is so easy, then why did i felt so sad with his death?

All the weird things in my mind lately... is seriously weird... should i listen to it?

Happy 2010!

Happy 2010! i always love this number :P

So as usual lets list out my complete resolution:

1.Camera - Completed hehe got myself new Nikon S600, im quite satisfied with it except the battery heat problem and the poor video capture. Going to send for services and try ask for the new 1.
2. Hand Phone - I want e66 - Completed but not e66 :(
3. Forecast for at least RM5k profits from my online business - hope i can :P - At least half of it, i wish i have more time!
4. Fly to Indonesia and makes business with Indonesian wholesaler - Not Completed
5. Take IELTS - Not Completed
6. Apply for Scholarship/Master degree - Not Completed
7. Expand my business. - Yup just started
8. Buy my own apartment for investment - Not Completed
9. Take my mom and my sis & bro to Redang - Not Completed

Looks like most of my last year resolutions is not completed. Jeez..

Ok My 2010 resolutions
I havent really thought of any great resolutions for 2010. Perhaps try to complete the resolutions i havent completed yet

1. Fly to Indonesia and makes business with Indonesian wholesaler
2. Take IELTS
3. Apply for Scholarship/Master degree Plan to take Master on 2011.
4. Expand my business. Gain more money from internet business or any other online methods
5. Take my mom and my sis & bro to Redang.
6. Going to universal studios Singapore
7. I plan to go to any of this country (depend on my bonus) : China, Korea, Indonesia, Thailand or Australia
8.Open my own boutique

Recaps off a few good and sad memories through 2009:

Good Memories

1. I get rid the kind of human that eat their own friend. Thank GOD!

2. Went to USA for 3 weeks. Its so AWESOME! I missed Hollywood so much
4. Went to Singapore again to attend conference.
5. Find new "port" for my kinky.
6. Yeah again - a Very Big Bonus!!
7. Kinky sales much more than before. :)

Sad Memories

1. My beloved acky died

I learn alot of things last year.

1 interesting thing i learned is, to get a better and happy life is just by getting rid of people who gives u so much problem and burden u in unexpected ways. Life is too short to care for others who dont care about u.

Do not gives all my knowledges to anybody even to the 1 closest to me unless they can give me enough benefits hehe

I'm still hating my job, but happy that now i have lots of new experience with my job. Just cant wait to get off for a better benefits. But i think i would love to get my Master first or simply continue with PHD. :)

Marry? is not in my to do list yet. Nobody is interesting enough around me. 1 thing for sure, i want to marry the guy i love, i do not want to end up living with somebody i hate most or living in unhappy life. What for getting married if all u get is pain?

Above all i would like to enjoy my life to the fullest! I'm looking forward to do so much of travelling! yippie.

Avatar

My life hasn't been that normal lately. So i got my sweet revenge last weekend after a long busy months i had. It was a terrible life doing DOSM & BGSP project. Our frustration is due to the ignorance we received from our management level. It's been 4 years and nothing has been change to improved certain thing and all the management fuss that yet to fulfilled makes us feel even bored. It makes "us" want to run away, but we cant. We've been bond. So the plan was to see how our management will appreciate us by end of this financial year. If not we just have to do something about it.

So what i did during weekend: Eat what i want to eat, spent my credit card without thinking (luckily i forgot about keyboard or plasma tv or video cam or nokia e66, still have my senses i guess), playing pool and fussball, watched 2 great movies: Storm Riders and Avatar.

There's no other word for Avatar besides AWESOME!! Especially the idea of glow in the dark world. I wish i have that kind of garden in my house too. Can we do that? Like pour some glow in the dark liquids on the plants? Do u think heaven will have that kind of garden? It must be awesome!

Jake Sully attitude in that movie is so i like. His blue face seems cuter then his normal face :P. I love the beautiful hanging garden with waterfall running down, the network ideas in pandora is so cool though looks a bit disgusting when they trying to connect their "network". Not to forget the flying dragon. The movie blended very well with the CGI and real characters as well as the exotic world of pandora looks so real. It seamless. I'm obsessed with Avatar now, so I'm gonna watch Avatar again, this time in 3D, probably at IMAX. :P

Wow we are celebrating New Year next week! Year 2010. Sounds promissing isn’t? Or it's just another boring year that i have to face? Doing things i dont really like? Or should i spend all my money to go for Europe tour before 2011? hehe. Damn it UK is asking for us to pay their VISA for RM1200!! that's so crazy. I wont pay for that. Never mind we'll see what will happen next year. All i know is i want to go for a long vacation again somewhere outside Malaysia.

As for this week, i have to settle all the PAT error in DOSM followed with 3 days wedding on weekend.

2.30 am in a cold nite

I'm still awake,
In the middle of the night,
Listening to my bro in law snores,
Sing along with Taylor Swift,
and Avik as my companian from far away.

It's 2.30am,
I'm still sitting here on my chair,
Looking at my laptop,
Trying to solve my modeling,
and its not working.

It's a countless night,
I stay awake in the middle of the night,
It's countless free hours im working,
For my fortune next year,
Which i dont assure i can get.

When will this end?
I'm so tired.

Huhuhu..

It's all about childish & greediness

Life has been super bz with works. My life is all about my works day and night. 2 projects to be delivered at the same time which is in another 2 weeks. Lots of drama going on. I slept at 1-2 am lately. My body aching all over... i need a massage. Pheewww..

Today was so nice but still damn tiring, cause i went to KL looking for tiles, toiletries and kitchen accessories. Yes, my loan is approved so hopefully everything went fine with my house renovation.

Me n Rafiee went to Petaling street 2 times tonight and almost bump a savvy yer.. nasib baik klu tak bertambah lagi la drama di bulan ini. After he got his LV bag, we went lepak at syed eating satay. Yeah i missed my lepak time. Can't wait for my project to finish. So this is all the updates for now. But this is not really the reasons of today title. Let me tell u about childish and greediness.

Lets start with greediness...

Today i just found out 1 of the reasons why that bitch did what she did. I know i suppose to close this case. But i feel restless if i didnt write about it. Cause the reason is so sickening n unbelievable n i hate people yang tak sedar diri ni.

U wanna know why? Cause that bitch claim it is all because of her ONLY hard works. So she have d right to do what she did (in an "innocent" way cause i bet up till now she thought she's not doing anything bad towards us). She said:

1- She do all the works

2- She was the one who search for customers

3- 90% of the customers deal with her

4- I didnt do any work at all

5- She was the only 1 who promoting us

6- She do most of the COD(as she claimed)

Does everyone know how partnership works? Does all the partner do the same work? yes and no right. In this business, she work as the marketing here cause i know she's good in marketing plus she have lots of time at her office. so clearly that's what her part is.

As for i am, im doing the management, dealing with dealers, money, and i'm doing all the COD at giant Kelana Jaya, answering all the emails, planing lots of things. At the same time, i do my part promoting our website and deal with customers too.

But that's what partnership is about, having to work together as a team. If u want to think what is right and who has the most domination upon this business just by "getting us all the customers", lets list out my part:

1- I was the 1 who took her to our very first supplier.

2- I was the 1 who trigger us to create our blogshop and start the business

3- I was the 1 who provides the CAPITAL to buy from China

4- I was the 1 who have to take loan to get some CAPITAL

5- I was the 1 who knows where to find the China supplier (and later i teach her which i regreted)

6- I was the 1 who deal with China Supplier (and later i teach her which i regreted)

7- I was the 1 who take responsibility transferring money and did all d dealings with China supplier

So, the summary from the lists above,

I WAS THE 1 TO TRIGGER EVERYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE!

So, without all this triggering happened, there wont be any Kinky at all!! And off course what she claimed as "all was her hard work and me not doing any work" is useless and no point!!!

Unbelievable i'm living and sharing part of my life for 14 years with a greedy, bimbo and tk sedar diri like this. Why all of us said she's greedy?:

1- She's having this business together with me but she quit and make her own, sell way cheaper then me to steal all the customers.

2- She thought she was the 1 who making us having all the customers and sales thus she suppose to have all the profits, so why would she wants the money from HER CUSTOMERS going into my bank right?.

3- She decided to have her own blogshop once she saw this business is profitable, by cuting our business in not professional way.

4- She dont understand how team works, thus she thought i didnt do any job at all. So it's like im getting all the money because of her.

5- She wants to have the business(money) all by herself only. She don't care about doing it together to make money.

Nah.. i dont need to explain more cause everybody knows how greedy she is.

Anyway, there's always a karma and hikmah behind everything that happen. I'm so glad this happened earlier b4 it's too late. Now i like the opportunity that we had. Hehehe.. i'm loving it and thank God she was out b4 it happens.

About childish..

Yeah this is another shit i have to face this month. Cleaning up someone mess. It's about my team leader. He's our boss most fav engineer. Why? because he's good in talking "big"about his cleverness. But now it was all pecah kedebom terbongkar rahsia.. Who was he all this while???

He just a big fat liar and the biggest childish i ever known. His irresponsibilities has put our project at a stakes, critical condition which we dont know what's going to happen in 2 more weeks.

1 thing i dont understand, this type of people, they dont feel ashame of what they did and they dont feel what they did is wrong.

All this while he was lying about his work, telling our big boss that he finished all his job. But when we checked and tested it.. 80% of his work doesnt work. Can u believe it?? n yet, he still lying about the status even though our boss has found out what happened. OMG.

Everybody dont like his way n nobody bother when he' leaved this company. A few days ago.. he came to our office brought his new boss and talking about making business together. I bet he has feed his new boss with his sweet mouth!

No way me n my colleague going to work with him anymore. He's just a big fat liar. Let's see how long he can live with his attitude in his new office.

I can wait for our trip to Koh Lipe.. i need a holiday badly...

I am so happy

I never felt this relief and so happy... I have throw away my burden about that bitch. Yes that bitch.. Just to think about it again, we can't really trust anybody in this world. Who knows one day ur closest friend will call u a black pig and start cursing ur physical.

The funny part is, this bitch didn't realize that she became what she is now because of her transformation. Yeah she have a very low self-esteem. So to turn out to be a butterfly, she have to shave her big (bigger then me) triangle-square eyebrow, pluck her mustache and straighten her hair. I'm sure if she remain all those things, her husband will never even notice her in the first place! I still remember how Ben laugh like hell when he saw her ID card before her transformed. Yet, she wants to kutuk orang lain? Dasar tak sedar diri.

I'm not that surprised why she still don't understand why me n rafiee get so upset with her that we felt she stabbed us. Ok let me tell the story...

What u do if u care about someone? U will want them to be successful and happy rite? Well that's what i did. I know her husband always instable, have problems with work, colleagues hate him especially his boses, always on contracts and have lots of debt. So if i can get her being my partner do something n make extra income this will help her too.

We used to have dreams about being a successful person. I always think of having my own lingerie line.. then 1 day, when i found the supplier, i decided to sell it in blog. The first thing i think off was having that bitch as my business partner though i can do that all myself silently!! But i dont do that. Why? because i care about her. There are other people who want to join me but i said "No, i can't i will make Syareena my business partner cause this is our dreams" this is what comes out from my mouth all the time.

From there, i start buy n selling lingeries but it's not enough, i want to try further and gamble with china supplier. So i took a loan so that we can have a bigger capital to make the business bloom. I dont care if i have to take the loan n that bitch just have to pay me every month. This is what im willing to do! In my head i always thinking about us being successful. So i dont really berkira much.

Then things start to change. I notice her changes, at the same time she start to push me away.. I give space to her and i just cant believe that bitch said i dont care about her, whenever i called or sms she dont care to reply but she can call, ym and contact rafiee! WTF! Then when i asked her to stay with Kinky.. she gives me unevitable reasons so that she have to quit. Do u know how i felt that time? I am so sad cause its not even 1 year and all my dreams about us being successful is just merely a game to her... which obviously she DONT care at all.

So fine, im really fed up with that bitch. Then she told me she's gonna stay in Perak but tadaaaa. She stayed there for 1 week n came back here and when i asked to hang out she dont want. n yet blame me for not care for her? WTF!

Then, 1 day i had an email telling me about that bitch new business. So what do u think i will feel?? Of course i feel anger! I just cant believe she do this to me! I cant believe she quit just to make her own blogshop! I said to myself.. "she's fooling me all this while, she never care about our business at all. She just want to suck my brain, and when its enough.. she will do it herself!!" It's not only me.. u can ask anybody about this and everybody will said it's so bad! So it's logic for me to get angry!!!

All this while i take her, bring her in and work hard to make us success - she quit - she make her own lingeries business with the same supplier with my customers and with a way cheaper price - and yet she dont feel that she HURT us?? Is this a friend??? Can u call this a friend?? She surely dont have heart at all!

Definitely NO, she dont care about her friends. That's why she dont feel it is a bad thing to do. She think oh this is business world. FUCK YOU! Then she attack saying me as im always right always show off over the head and always being a moronic?? Aint this a personal attack? So i just have to spill it.. n yes i am so very2 reliefed i spilled it on her face hehe..

Thats the best feeling of relief i ever felt in years. My burden about thinking of her all this time has been thrown away with only a few paragraphs. I should do that way earlier...

Then after seeing that bitch got sawan babi with her husband. It makes me smile even more cause well people saw that she's being at her lowest point. People read her curse as "I just cant believe Syareena is like this" nobody said "i cant believe Zilan is like this" hahaha .. i'm so so happy...

Apart from that, i make her show the real her.. what are in her black mud shit deep in her heart all this years about me. I think she have to do a lot of samak haha.. yerla she's been with the pig for half of her life! Nobody believe her though. Off course cause she makes fool of her ownself in facebook. Again that makes me sooo happy!!!

Im sure she wont believe a thing i said here. Cause for her i'm acting like im always right all the time. I bet, if she had a "lower" friend in high school, she wont even passed her SPM haha.. it's so obvious what she can be when she's around with the "lower" friend of hers in Uitm.. it only took her 1 semester to graduate! haha.. so u should be thankful that u have good friends (all the hanjeng) here. Just look at how u turn out to be when u with ur husband. Nobody believe that u r what u r now. Especially after reading ur comment about me. :)

Well, i really want to c how far she can go with her own brain hehe. Maybe this is the time she can tell the world that she does has a brain after all. So later she can't blame me right?

Whatever happen after this, u just go to hell k! .Don't beg me to accept u back.. sanggup ker jilat air ludah sendiri??? kahkahkah.

I still cant stop thinking about her baby.. i was wondering akan terkenan kah? cause u know being pregnant is so sensitive! My aunt had an experience b4. When she pregnant a sales person came to her house and out of nowhere she just said in her heart "ewww he's so black", when she gives birth, her daughter has black skin as the guy he hina, though her parenst has fair skin..

So i was wondering, what will it be when that bitch cursed about me for 1/2 hours?? Plus its not only the mother but the farther cursing me too! Thats a double point isn't? The best part is she does said black pig, ugly, hairy, stinky.. what a cool combination. Uhh...Uhh i cant wait!!

Hahahaha..

Never felt this happy for years....Case closed for good! Amin.

This is what Syareena really thinks of me after 14 years of friendship

Want to know when people can get sawan babi? Yeah when they have no point to talk and actually all this while their heart is full of hatred to me which im surprise i dont know (for example ebeg). Off course la i dont know im that horrible towards her or perhaps toward everyone in this world even to the worms in the ground, cause all this time she have the sweet mouth who makes u feel like she actually is ur real friend. But hey, i think maybe because nobody wants to befriend with her, i mean to make her their very2 best friend. Thats why she stuck with me for 14 years.

Untill recently, there r someone who actually adore her n worship her come to her rescue. All of a sudden she realized, "hey why all this while im being her dog?". Well thats what she call my friends (actually her friends too), they all hanjeng katanyer.

All this while, all my words that she listened, all my ideas ( especially lingeries) that she listened and help me do is actually something that she thought as "berlagak macam pandai, everything she knew, mmg dasar berlagak, everybody hate her for that" everything tu!! hebat betul. Well those are things she herself working on right now as well! Yeah there are people who suck ur brain first then when its enough.. they flew away and use the brain that she called as "berlagak pandai" for her own purpose. Well at least i have degree and i am successful in a way kan. Not some one yang menganggur haha.

Misai ni tangkal rupanya! baru aku tau gituuu haha.. Well, at least with this misai, i had feel real love. The real love that she never had even though dah buntingkan.. What to do dah ader baby kena la stick kan. Takkan nk jadi ibu tunggal. Oh sorry, i think she already found the love now since well it looks like both of them are so perfect to be together (just check out their babling below). By the way for ur information Ilah, she chose u cause she scared she will be anak dara tua, yerlah at that time being dump 3 times, and nobody wants to love her sincerely. If not, u r just not her taste.. u r bright enough to use money to persuade her.

Why she had been dump by 3 guys when she is way beautiful and prettier and smells so good and off course not complaining and not berlagak? Well its them to know what's the reason right?? hehe well u can guess why if u r clever enough.

Well, my family is a nice people who don't pretend to be so charming and so nice and dont have the busuk hati kind towards her, Infact they all love her the way she is and kept on praise her beauty and softness(rupanya berlakon jer kot selama ni). But well i never thought that her family can be talam dua muka, infact, when did i berlagak with her parents, i can count - less then 10 hours i ever talk or sembang with her mother for 14 yrs!!!? Funny, or perhaps her parents feel that way because im successful? and their daughter not? Only God knows right.

Well, since im so fucking bad, dark, and ugly, got mustache and always over the head towards all my friends. I was wondering, are all (at least more then 5 friends) of them are pretending to be my friends? She who are so nice, beautiful, soft person and lovely has no friends at all? (well who wants to be called hanjeng right? plus besides us who else close to her???? NONE)

Yeah i wonder why.

That is why when someone have hatred comes in between, and u support them. U can end up being alone. I'm so sorry for her.